you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
