Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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