It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Bring me that man meat
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
