Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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