butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Acid is not a monday night drug
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
