you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
