I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
