I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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