I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
