Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
