I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
