...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
