rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
