On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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