please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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