some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
