It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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