What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You left your phone here
Wait...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
