so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Randomize
