I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
