Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
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And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
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No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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