Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
