Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
