he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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