its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
