I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
