I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
