I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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