I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
