I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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