His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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