i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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