I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.