Plan B is the new Plan A
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.