I'm pants shitting drunk right now
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina