I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
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I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
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You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again