that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.