I just made out with a guy for $7.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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