The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Pants are for mortals
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
