So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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