We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
