He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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