Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
