God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
