I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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