hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
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I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
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Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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