my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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