yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Randomize