Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize