im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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