How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
