Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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