Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
