Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
