Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
