just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Bring me that man meat
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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