I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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