he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize