Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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