your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
