Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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